I often overhear that trio of questions by my mom when she's trying to get herself organized or before she heads out somewhere. Not sure why, but my brain is on overdrive-analytical mode so I'm pondering them with a blog post. Maybe it's in light of all the massive confusion about human identity. I don't know. Who am I? First and foremost, I'm a beloved daughter of God who is constantly striving and failing at holiness in this life He's given me. I am a female human being. Where am I? Wow! That question could encompass a plethora of meanings from geography to life stages.
Again, top priority desire is to be holy, but even more, that people could see God and His love shining through me. I want to get out of myself, quit being sooo self focused, and shift my attention to others. But oh how often, I let my many, many insecurities, doubts, and fears get the best of me. I'm a hider -- confrontation is not a skill of mine, couple that with my melancholic temperament and that I'm ridiculously introverted and you've got the mess named Margo.
I want to be taken seriously.
I want people to know how much I love them as my fellow brothers- and sisters-in-Christ.
I get too overexcited about things. Back in high school, it was my church's youth ministry and my XC team, then in college, it was the Newman Center, and now in my post-collegiate life, it's Catholic Answers.
Why why why do I get such intensely strong feelings about these interests? I'm sick of coming off as a total freak, as someone who gets written off as just a "groupie" or "fan girl". I genuinely admire the apostolate and how they are truly leading people (Catholics and non-Catholics) closer to Christ, that's why so many of my social media posts involve CA.
This is a scary time of life -- trying to figure out what to make of adulthood, wanting the "package" of employment, marriage, family, etc.
Fighting that stupid stupid tendency towards pride, constantly feeling guilt over wanting to be noticed both in the professional sphere as well as amongst friends and my efforts at social media. Then feeling pathetic for my over-reliance on social media because I can't always handle being around people in real life because I'm the most socially awkward person of all time. How am I supposed to share God's love with others when I struggle wth social awkwardness? *sigh*
What do you do when you're overwhelmingly frustrated with yourself?? I keep trying to give it all over to Christ, but He doesn't really seem to have a clear path for me.