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Sunday, September 11, 2016

Growing in Self-Awareness...Random Thoughts

[Insert coherent introduction here....]

So I feel moved to write a short lil blog post tonight describing/explaining my reactions when I see things written in support of issues such as same sex marriage, contraception, abortion, Protestantism, etc.

It's usually a mixture of frustration, disappointment, and sadness because I literally hate seeing any person be misguided/mislead/posting falsities/promoting ideas that are inherently sinful. SO BADLY do I want every single person to be rejoicing with God in Heaven for all eternity that I literally cringe whenever they post something that impedes their getting to Heaven. Especially in this digital age, where information is so so so easily accessible with the internet. I recognize my own shortcomings and am daily striving to overcome them with God's grace (lately I've been praying for the grace to be able to cooperate with God's grace....) I want everyone to see beauty in all of the virtues, especially the virtue of chastity.

Then, I listen to my beloved Catholic Answers Live, especially when Trent Horn, Tim Staples, or Karlo Broussard are the guests and I realize -- they are just as passionate (if not moreso) about the faith and virtues as I am, yet, they somehow always remain so calm while in discussion with non-Catholics. What goes through my mind is "oh no oh no oh no! That person supports (abortion/homosexuality/sola scripture/contraception/etc.) that goes against our Lord's teaching, they might not get to Heaven, oh if they could just understand and accept/embrace the fullness of His Truth". I also have been realizing more and more that even without ever formally studying Theology, God has given me far more knowledge/insight/understanding into the reasonings of chastity than that of the majority of people in the world today. It's humbling in a way. I mean, why me? With the exception of my parents, hardly anyone else in my family or extended family considers themselves Catholic anymore. What did I do to receive such a grace from God? Me who abandoned the Mass the second I received Confirmation as a Junior in high school until my freshman year of college.

I only applied to ONE college and that one college happened to be Bradley University, which just happened to be right down the street from the Cathedral where Venerable Fulton Sheen used to altar serve and was ordained to the priesthood. And a little while later, somehow God led me to discover a blog that taught me how to engage in discussions about the Catholic faith and then a year ago in summer 2015, I started listening to Catholic Answers Live, felt an instant connection to the (nearly-former) host, Patrick Coffin and learned even more about charitably discussing the faith. Went to the CA National Conference back in March and fell in love....with the organization (ironically I was hoping to meet my future husband there but instead of a man, I fell in love with a potential career).  

Currently, I'm working on reigning in my control freak tendencies as I have so many suggestions for Catholic Answers (especially the website and YouTube channel) and am trying so freaking hard to not come off as an insane psycho fangirl while still expressing my overexcited personality with the organization. I do want to be taken seriously if a job opportunity ever does open up there.

Part of me wishes that I could just turn off my intense interest/care of Catholic Answers and just be normal. Just be a normal, casual fan who has her own job/life. But let's face it! That's not who I am. When I develop a passion for something; it's hardly ever casual. It started with the youth ministry at my former parish, then it was Cross Country, then it was the Newman Center in college, and now it's Catholic Answers. But, I'm constantly worried that my enthusiasm is too much, that it's wrong for me to be SO passionate.

*Sigh* Jesus, help me to freaking CALM DOWN for once in my life!